Top 10 Ways to Avoid [That Thing You Should Be Doing]
When I was about 8 years old, I received my first diary as a gift - white and pink cover with a heart, gilt pages, bronze lock and key in order to protect my sacred thoughts and intellectual property... It sparked a curiosity and need that has stuck with me over the years. Yet, I still have trouble actually calling myself a writer - despite the dozens of filled journals sitting at my parent's house and among the tubs collecting dust in my closet. More than I'd like to admit, I am a master of finding other things to do rather than just sitting down to write. So, here I present my top ten ways to avoid writing - which conveniently can be used for anything that you should be doing.
1. Look at rentals even though you just signed a 12-month lease.
2. Imagine what your dogs would sound like if they talked. Then start having conversations with your dogs. (In other words, talk to yourself.)
3. Mindlessly stare out the window. (NB: you must be mindless when you do this. Not mindful. That could actually be productive and could be mistaken for "meditation.")
4. Read books about writing (NB: In order to truly skirt past doing any real work, you must only read books on the creative process then not take any action.)
5. Blame your procrastination on the dogs. I mean, they talk SO much.
6. Watch HBO shows. You know, to observe and take [mental] notes on the writing.
7. Research writing groups and classes but don't join them.
8. Tinker with your website or blog, but don't add any new content.
9. Take an improv class. To improve your writing and ability to think quick, of course.
10. Post inspirational quotes and photos on Instagram to help inspire others but not actually inspire yourself to action. Take it a step further and illustrate these quotes (such as the photo that headlines this post).
Now, go forth and not conquer... Good luck!
Author's note: I have intended this to be satire and is simply my way of coping with procrastination and avoidance. I actually want you to be productive and successful in whatever endeavors you follow. \o/