This past month was one long heartbreak and gut punch.
That middle of the night call from the vet. I will never use the Zen ringtone ever again.
Losing our beloved dog, Doug, alone was more than enough to process, let alone against the backdrop of the country descending into a darker place than any of us could ever thought possible. Winter had arrived, figuratively and literally, as the snow blew in hard that same day and the temperatures plummeted, forcing us to stay indoors as we mourned the loss of such a force in our lives.
No matter how many losses you experience, the process doesn’t become any easier. Each person, pet, or whatever you’ve lost leaves a unique imprint. Therefore the grief that follows delivers its own an individual set of characteristics, its own level of impact. We can never be fully prepared.
For anyone who feels deeply and is affected easily by the energy around them, big emotions like grief can easily assume center stage, and consume our thoughts and body. Yet, yoga helps. Not by making the loss any more bearable. The pain of losing Doug runs so deep, is so profound, I can’t imagine a day where the memory of stroking the top of his head one last time will ever be okay. And I know other losses yet to come will not land easily.
Yoga invites us to seek the shelter that is our body. The mind alone cannot free us from difficult emotions. Yoga teaches us to hold space and make room for the grief; to embrace it rather than push it away. Grief isn’t linear nor does it come with a timeline. Often, the grief moves in with you and signs on for a lifetime lease, without your permission, coming in and out as it pleases. So, you invite the grief in, this new houseguest that you must learn to live with.
We don’t smother or turn away from grief, but let it take up as much space as it needs, to be heard and felt. To nourish the grief allows for the goodness to eventually return. Eventually the grief moves over, and makes room for the goodness, as companions facing the new, uncharted path ahead.
The yoga practice cultivates our ability to maintain presence in mind and body. The work is ongoing. The lessons we learn show up in many forms; subtle tests, minor inconveniences, full-blown tragedies. The spectrum is varied. What matters is each day we wake up, we have a choice to welcome in all the sensations of the moment. including times of crushing grief. Yoga has helped me to remember this, that we have the freewill to choose how we respond to periods of grief and loss.
Yoga and life have also taught me that to grieve also means we have loved. So today, I resolve to hold the grief with as much reverence as I do love. Because both are evidence I am alive.
Katie Kohlbeck 